I feel like I’ve just snorted a few lines of fire ants. My eyes won’t stop leaking. I feel like shit.
Two mornings ago, I woke up with the beginnings of what is most likely the head cold mom had three weeks ago. At least she loves me enough to share with me. Why it took my wonky body three weeks to come down with this thing, I do not know. I can’t explain anything my body does – I cannot be held responsible for my body’s actions.
It started out with just a hint of yuck and some extra sneezing. Now, I’m in full-on, flat-out My Body Hates Me Mode – fire ants, leakage of facial juices, and the ever-present nausea that comes with postnasal drip.
Won’t someone kindly rip out my sinuses, please?
On a happier note, everything is worked out with my insurance. Well, everything I actually CAN work out with my insurance is all worked out. My pain doctor’s office got my new referral, insurance approved my morphine for six more months, and I didn’t even have to have them change my primary care physician because they had the right one on file! I’m still waiting for my insurance cards to arrive in the mail, but I can get medical care and prescriptions filled by bringing the letter they sent me wherever I go to get treatment.
I get all of my meds refilled next week, and I still have to find out which ones are the least expensive so I can pay for some out-of-pocket so I can have the more expensive meds covered by insurance (they only cover five prescriptions per month, bastards!).
Everything fell into place perfectly, which is unusual for me. It’s a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I have several big English papers due in the next few weeks, and now with this face-explosion of a head cold, insurance issues are the last thing I need or want to be worrying about.
This morning, I called BlueCare to check to see if the prior-authorization for my morphine had been approved, or even requested in the first place. Instead of finding out the status of the prior-authorization, I received some surprising news.
As of March 26th, I have been covered by Americhoice! TennCare approved my request to be changed from BlueCare to Americhoice! I was told that the request would take about 30 days to be processed. It took THREE days.
I no longer have to worry about whether or not my appointments with my pain management doctor will be covered (unless they dump Americhoice patients, too).
There are things I still have to take care of, phone calls I still have to make (ugh, I hate the phone!), and ducks I still have to put in a row. Because it will take time to get my new insurance cards, and I have medical needs that are time-sensitive, I have to:
– Call Americhoice and see if they can tell me what my ID number is.
– Have them change the primary care physician they have on file for me, if it isn’t already correct (because they usually just assign a primary care physician based on how close they are to where you live – mine is more than an hour away).
– Call my primary care physician’s office and tell The Referral Lady that I need a referral through Americhoice to my pain management doctor’s office.
– Call my pain management doctor’s office and let them know that I need a prior-authorization through Americhoice for my morphine.
I’m off to check the mail and get these phone calls over with (ugh – anyone want to do it for me?).
I have a ton of reading that I need to do for psychology, but my neck is being especially painful. My whole neck and both shoulders are burning, stinging, and feel cold-hot, very much like the feeling you get in your fingers after you’ve been outside in the freezing cold for far too long. Every time I sit up to try to get some reading done, the burning, stinging, and pain starts up again. I’ve taken my painkillers, but they aren’t cutting it, and they make me even more tired than usual.
Mom will without a doubt try to convince me to let her read to me. Unfortunately, I have a hard time retaining information when it’s read to me. I learn and remember better when I can read for myself. Plus, I don’t like letting mom help me. It’s not because she’s not a good helper – she’s a great helper. It’s just that…it’s not her job to help me. I signed up for school, I should be able to do it myself.
I’ve always been stubborn when it comes to accepting help from others. I would sooner let myself get angry, become frustrated, and fall behind than allow someone to help me.
I have no idea why.
This stubborn refusal to accept help even extends to my dealings with doctors. I hate asking for help so much that I’ve let symptoms go unchecked for years, even decades. I get irritated with doctors who don’t ask the kinds of questions that pull information out of me, even though it’s my responsibility to bring things up and not theirs to drag it out of me.
A small part of me thinks that if I just opened myself up to people and let myself be helped, my life could be a lot better. Then, there’s the other part of me, the much bigger part that’s afraid of getting shot down if I open myself up.
I know I can choose which part to listen to, and that I should probably choose the part that’s telling me to open up. I just wish I knew how.